A FUNNY STORY (TRUE NO DOUBT)

This was forwarded to me via e-mail from my on line friend Terry in South Carolina....I have met him and his wife "Petunia" twice..they are the nicest people... He has the funniest stories..









It’s late October and the frosts have arrived.
The dogs spent the night inside my home in a small wire cage, shredding the newspaper lined metal floor and occasionally whining. When I was up before dawn, fixing breakfast, they became more vocal. Petunia insisted I put them outside on the frost lined lawn.
I hooked up Anna Belle’s 20 foot leash to a corkscrew tie down. She sought shelter under my small pickup truck. Molly, her daughter, ran over to the neighbor’s kennel to annoy their dogs. I’m going to have to get Molly a leash. Lately, Molly has found a way to escape the outdoor kennel and I haven’t found how she’s doing that.
Logically, I ought to insulate their dog house inside the kennel. The major problem is they’re dogs prone to shred insulation. If I install insulation, there will be shredded insulation in the morning. Stupid dogs. Putting a blanket inside the dog house means it’ll be outside the dog house in the morning, dirty and shredded. Stupid, stupid dogs.
Winking (my Tom cat) might provide insulation for them if I could pick him up and throw him in the kennel with them. They’re willing to share the dog house with Winking. Winking has a thick yellow coat that goes well with Molly’s thin speckled fur. I know this because one time I locked all three in the kennel. Next morning, they all came out of the dog house as happy as can be.
Catch: Winking does not like to be held or picked up. If I picked up Winking to put him inside the kennel nightly, I’d be bloody tatters. Cat isn’t so dumb. Besides, Molly might teach Winking how to escape.
After I’d gotten Molly outside, Anna Belle tied down and I was wondering where Winking had gone for the night, I went inside to stay warm. Two hours later, I went outside. The cork screw tie down was gone. The leash was gone. Anna Belle was gone. Molly was jumping on my legs demanding love while Winking lay on the grass sunning himself. Winking looked at us mildly amused, thinking “idiots.”
The missing corkscrew was a minor mystery. It screws about a foot into the rock hard clay soil with a handle on top designed to clip a leash on. About six inches of the cork screw handle sticks above ground. The handle vanishes from sight when I mow the yard. Therefore, every time I mow the yard I remove the corkscrew so the lawn mower blade won’t hit it.
I have to be careful to put the corkscrew tie down in a place in the yard where Anna Belle won’t tie her leash up around something else. If I put the tie down too close to the road, she’ll run out in the road with the leash. It took me a while to find the ideal spot for the tie down. That’s why the corkscrew keeps going into the same spot.
This creates a new problem: every time I use the same spot, the ground gets a little less compact. Eventually, Anna Belle pulls the corkscrew out of the ground. Then she runs around something until she’s tied up. Stupid dog.
This time she was tied up four houses down under the mobile home of the evil idiots. The evil idiots enjoy fire arms and off road vehicles in the pasture behind us. Because they’re evil and idiots, some time they’ll run the non-street legal vehicles down the road in front of us, although we’re a block away where the police hang out. Once in a great while they’ll run their thunder motorcycles and four wheelers across the neighbor’s yard. I suspect they’d do it more often in my yard if it wasn’t for Anna Belle on a leash. Dogs can bite. Leashes can wrap around wheels.
I found Anna Belle, four houses down, tied up under the evil idiots’ mobile home barking her little lungs out, putting fear in their hearts.
It’s about time. Nobody inside the mobile home came out and I was not about to knock. I untangled Anna Belle’s leash and led her away.
As I passed the evil idiots neighbor’s house, he looked out and said he knew it was my dog but he wasn’t sure what to do about it. Walk two houses over and tell me to come get the dog? He couldn’t figure that out. Not that I was about to explain it to genius boy. Instead I said I was sorry if the barking had annoyed him.
After that, I found a new spot for the cork screw. It’s a muscle builder to put it in a new spot. I try to be kind to dumb animals, even if it means the evil idiots.